Back at Base: Bittersweet but Necessary
Harsh landing, but damnit, the passengers seemed quite happy to be back!
Quick reminder to myself that different people are still traveling for different reasons, some of which are actually important or essential. And the others, well, perhaps they are the one's marching around demanding the virus is a hoax...
Me on the other hand, I was feeling a few different emotions as I was heading back to base to sit reserve.
Although I was sad to be leaving my bf, the security & comfort I feel when I’m with him AND anxious about potentially returning to work on an assigned trip, after being off for 5 weeks (coincidentally, ‘cus I didn’t take a leave nor did I call out), I was ready.
I was ready to return to base to check on my car that I had just bought back in February in the MIA employee parking lot, check on my belongings in an empty apartment (in which the landlord had been harassing me since late February about not having anyone to replace my 2 FA roommates who moved out mar 1 smh), I was ready to go back to base for personal reasons. Yet none of those reasons really being to work...
Covid has made things so complicated. I love my job but I love my health 10x+++ more.
It's definitely disheartening to potentially be furloughed from a career that finally fits MY life, a career that offers so much flexibility & options in terms of base & leisure travel. But without my health I won't be able to enjoy any of it, nor will I be able to enjoy my Prince Charming, have a family, enjoy life, etc -- definitely a double-edged sword but a very easy decision.
So, between an industry (I love) that seems to be crumbling right in front of my very eyes; my landlord channeling her worrisome and panic energy unto me-making my transition from my then small-box-of-a-room to my now master bedroom w/bathroom--miserable & stressful; to my family and bf living in totally different states... and lets not forget covid being felt through quarantining measurements... heading back to base was not exactly desired.
But, the moment I stepped out of the emotions of pity and anxiety and instead moved more gracefully in an air of optimism and strength, some clarity was gained and a strategic plan was devised for my return back to base. Returning to Miami was no longer dreadful and scary.
My outlook changed with my decision to look at my glass half full instead of half empty, cliche, I know-but nothing less of the truth. When we vibe higher, shit just tends to work more in our favor.
And to be even more transparent, me "moving gracefully" was not truly as a Goddess or someone like Beyonce does on the red carpet... I'd be lying if I claimed that. I was still unsure and stumbling, figuratively speaking, but the negative emotions and negative self-talk was shifted to the background noise (until it just wasn't) and no longer given the power to steer my course.
So in this case, I'd say I was more of Beyonce post-fall down the flight of stairs during one of her concerts lol. Cus going down her face said it all, ouch!, fuck., can't believe this is happening, ain't this some BS?!
BUT, just as quickly as she tumbled embarrassingly down the flight of stairs is also as quickly as she popped right back up and continued to walk in her power and be that Bitch! *dramatically stares off into the distance*
Alright fellow sky mates, I'm not too fond of blogging (only because I feel like I can never keep it short and sweet--I always end up oversharing, le sigh) so I'm going to hop off of here. But I felt inclined to share my recent experience of returning to base because internally I was on an emotional roller coaster and replaying different outcomes in my head, mostly negative. And with everything going on, I'm hoping me sharing my thought process will help one or many of you navigate a decision or circumstance.
Remember, we are people who many call on for advice, help, a second opinion...
It's time we do that for ourselves through these trying times with the world hurting and our beloved industry dismantling.
I know some of us are at base, alone and away from family... so if no one told you today, I'm here to tell you: I Love you friend! You're awesome & you are enough AND able!
Fly Safe ✈︎ Vibe High